Bravery may not be the top emotion you would ascribe to your daughter; regardless of its position, bravery should come in as one of her top ten attributes. Given the unknowns in the world and all the moments in a woman’s life when she must rely on her own abilities, failing to guide your daughter in the function and display of bravery will lead her into isolating corrals of desolation, without a steed of action to help.
Teaching bravery to daughters often presents men with frustration given that being brave is a behavior we just do, right? What is there to talk about? Who hasn’t glanced askance at the timid ten-year-old daughter, wondering how this weak-kneed behavior will ever improve, given that your past comments to toughen her up resulted in a pile of censure landing squarely in your lap? Here is your solution.
Bravery is a simple two-part process:
- First, bravery is the ability to cultivate mobilizing emotions that are greater than the emotion associated with a perceived threat.
- Second, bravery is the conversion of these greater mobilizing emotions into action in spite of opposing forces.
We can go a step further and break this wording down into an equation, making it easy to remember:
Threat + Opposing Forces < (less than) Mobilizing Emotion + Action
As a reminder, an emotion is a mental and physical reaction to a stimulus (li), which results in physiological changes that prepare the body for action. Emotions create a change in your body. Unfortunately, some emotions create a change to our system which are not conducive to forward action, but rather retraction.
Understanding emotions your daughter has, and the possible energy she can extract from each, is an important part of shaping bravery. This table shows emotions associated with action and retraction.
| Immobilizing Emotions When Facing a Threat – Retraction | Mobilizing Emotions When Facing a Threat – More Active Energy |
| Anxiety | Aggravated |
| Afraid | Angry |
| Defeated | Determined |
| Fretful | Feisty |
| Hysterical | Frustrated |
| Helpless | Indignant |
| Humiliated | Perturbed |
| Panic | Snappy |
| Shaken | Spiteful |
| Shy | Testy |
| Sullen | Uptight |
| Timid | Zeal |
When your daughter exhibits those high energy emotions, the idea is to direct the energy into positive action; guide her on proper use of the energy. If her brother intentionally broke her doll, then you can direct her to vocalize her view of his poor behavior and what consequence she will meter out. For example, he has to do her chores for a day or pay for the doll. And most important, you support her as she learns the value of directing energy into positive action. Always give your daughter an opportunity to defend herself, minus the physical violence. Your daughter can be polite yet take a stand should it be needed.
A daughter crying, with retracted emotions, can be asked if she is really angry, then further the conversation by asking what she wants to do about it. Allow her to express energy to correct unfair or scary situations. Emotional energy has to go somewhere and here are your options:
- The energy is expressed in the form of positive and correct action.
- The energy is expressed in negative ways, such as passive-aggressive behavior or hitting.
- The energy is retracted, directed inward, converting into future health problems, physical or mental.
- The energy can be directed into physical activity such as sports or chores.
The ability to cultivate mobilizing emotions and direct that emotional energy into positive action, creates a life of possibilities for your daughter and her bravery.
Era Lewis 